Well, I’m back in America.
Its weird.
Since I’ve been back I have tried to write two blog posts before this one, I lost both of them, and only wrote half of each.
The first was about the idea of “home” and reflecting on the different homes I have acquired over the past years: Grand Haven, MI where I was born and raised, Allendale, MI where I attended elementary school and church, Mt. Pleasant, MI home of my alma mater CMU the families and relationships created there, roads across America with my Bike & Build CUS family, and now Cape Town, South Africa is added to my list of homes, with my service learning teammates my family. I began thinking about these “homes” as I sat in the Amsterdam airport. Amsterdam, Netherlands being the deepest, oldest root to an idea of “home” that I have, both sides of my family being Dutch. Naturally, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros song comes to mind, “Home is wherever I’m with you” I like having people all over, and homes all over. I love people and I love being home. The post I wrote about this before was a lot more insightful, but ach well. All I really wanted to say is that I have many homes and families and I love them all.
The second post was about the rest of my time in Cape Town, South Africa. The last week filled with braai’s, wine tasting, paper writing, presentation giving, food eating, and the last days with our children at the Brooklyn Chest hospital. The only thing really worth elaborating upon was our last day at the TB hospital, which I’ll tell you about now now:
We had a party! Jessica and I stayed up late the night before baking, writing cards and letters, sorting our gifts we had bought everyone, and dreading the moment we have to say goodbye. Once we arrive at the hospital, we are told to go to the hospital school immediately for a surprise they had arranged for us. After we walked into the school and the children smother us with hugs, we are led to two chairs in the middle of the class room. The “special music” people were there to lead them in the three songs the kids sang to us. So Jessica and I sat in the chairs, held hands, and listened to the children sing. Next the teacher sends two of the girls to a closet and they return with two beautiful bouquets of flowers! They each hug both of us, look us in the eyes and say, “Thank you so much, for everything” and they sit back down. Then two more children stand, walk to the closet, and return with cards and they do the same thing, hugging, thanking. Finally we are both given gift bags filled with dried fruits and nuts, chocolates, lotions and more. Every time a child hugged me and said, “thank you so much, for everything” I about lost it. I’d like to think I’m a pretty strong person emotionally, but these children have a tight hold on my heart. Both Jessica and I are fighting back tears throughout the whole process. We take a few minutes to ourselves before setting our part of the party up for them. Tasty desserts, a music video of them dancing and the projects we have worked on, and the big unveiling of the presents (sports equipment, games, art supplies etc). We covered the bin of toys with a table cloth and on the count of three pulled it off and watched the jaws drop. It was great. We thanked all the staff we worked with, and gave our personal goodbyes to the children-encouraging them to fight for more than just survival in the harrowing world they life in, that they can be whatever they want to be.
[Side story: one day I was sitting outside the ward with a group of children, just talking, teaching them a little sign language for fun, discussing the future. One of the older boys (about 15) was asking me about my education, and what degree I received. Then he asked what kind of degree someone needs to become president. We went around the circle talking about hopes and dreams, two of my very favorite girls both reply, “Doctor” and another boy wants to be in the army, one more wants to be a police man. They all have big dreams, and while I know that many of their dreams are realistically unattainable-I still encourage them. If they shoot for the moon hopefully they will land among the stars? They are passionate, excited and hopeful youth-who will able to do a lot of good with their life if they stay strong. They have stolen my heart.]
Return to our last day. After the big unveiling and the thanking, we play and eat the goodies for a while, and then the time comes. I do surprisingly well because I got my crying done with earlier in the day when the children gave us their gifts. One of the littlest girls has been attached to me the entire day, she knows this is goodbye. Periodically throughout the day she would pull me down to her level and tell me, “I love you so much. I will miss you so much” and doesn’t let go.
The time has come. Tears pour down her face when I kiss her cheek goodbye wipe her tears with my scarf, telling her I love her and will miss her too. Many of the kids are crying as we hug and kiss each one goodbye, thanking each other for everything we have gained and learned from each other. I know I am forever changed because of these kids, and can only hope that I have brought a small bit of light to their world as well.
As part of my capstone I left behind a volunteer job description guide, so that future volunteers can hit the ground running with the programs Jessica and I were in charge of, and continue to provide the physical, mental and emotional stimulation that is desperately needed for children in hospitals away from home for months and months on end, and children in general for that matter. And give them love. That is always the biggest thing isn’t it? Love.
There were many more goodbyes. Packing. Lots of “lasts” I kept asking myself why I keep putting myself through this? Having amazing experiences with amazing people, and then leaving them, likely to not see them again. Confusing myself with my sense of “home” But I conclude that its ABSOLUTLY worth it. Worth the Bike & Build blues and the South African sadness. For everything I learned about myself and this world.
It was a long trip back home to Grand Haven, during which I did nothing productive but maybe sort out some of my thoughts. Maybe. It was 11 hours Cape Town to Amsterdam, a 6 hour layover in Amsterdam, and a 7 hour flight to Detroit, then a 3 hour drive back home.
I’m still adjusting to being back in West Michigan, as it is quite different than Cape Town in many many aspects. I’m keeping busy, providing daycare for my wonderful neighbors and little brother, biking, reading, being disgusted at myself for my cushy life, dreaming about both Bike & Build and South Africa etc etc.
I must say, however, it is nice to be back with my family (biological one) for an extended period of time. All of us together. I love my family. I miss my friends who are biking across America on Bike & Build SUS, I miss my friends in Mt. Pleasant and all of the US and world doing good things for humanity. But I’m more proud of them than missing them-so its fine. Luckily I have some pretty great friends still in Grand Haven, MI as well.
One more post for this blog should be written shortly about things I’ve learned, how I’ve grown, what comes next and just some general thoughts. I apologize for the length of this post and the fact that it took three weeks for me to finally write!
Thank you for following my journey!
